Contractor - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.
 
Bid Opening - A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

Low Bidder - A contractor who is wondering what he/she left out.

Engineer's Estimate - The cost of construction in Heaven.

Project Manager - The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.

Critical Path Method - A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.

OSHA - A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, split hairs, red tape and baloney - usually applied at random with a shot gun.

Strike - An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

Delayed Payment - A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

Completion Date - The point at which liquidated damages begin.

Liquidated Damages - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.